you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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