he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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