smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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