Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
