i think my tv is drunk
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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