thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
