I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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