Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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