i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
