I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize