Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
