It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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