I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
