bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
