After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
