haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize