Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
