I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
