grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
This toilet bowl is my home.
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