how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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