I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Boobs speak an international language.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
