i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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