At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
