Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You can't special order awesome
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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