I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
