Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
