nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
