Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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