So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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