i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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