you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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