Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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