careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
