Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
