I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
