Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
