it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We were destined to go to rehab together
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
