What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
