I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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