you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
