Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
