We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
