mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
