Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
