I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
