Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
