even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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