You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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