I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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