If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
