I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
