yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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