i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
