apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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