i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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