Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
