Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
