No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
