Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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