I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
