Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
