and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Be still, my beating vagina.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
