ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
