I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I love having hate sex.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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