Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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