Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
