You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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