K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
