I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
