If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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