I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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