you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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