1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
