i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
