i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize