The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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