I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
